Every woman has "gamey" tendencies. Tendencies that help her get what she wants. There are times she will use anything she can to get it, including manipulation, tears, whining, pouting and yelling. Whatever works, right? Well, not so fast.
- The set-up question . What is really going on when a woman asks, "Do you think I look fat in this dress?" or "What do you really think of my mother?" Let's look further. If you fib and say she looks really skinny or you absolutely love her mother, she knows you're not telling the truth. So then what happens? She punishes you not only for lying but also for noticing she's earned a few pounds and even she does not care for her mother. Why does this happen? Because women think and react from their emotions – at least more than men. This is not a bad thing; it is a reality. This is the ultimate push-pull game. What you can do. You can change the topic or distract her with another conversation. If you're desperate, you can play dead, but she'll probably notice. But the best idea is to tell her what she wants to know – she has a great figure, and you love her mother. What she really needs is to know that you care about her.
- The come-on scenario . This is where a woman wears provocative clothing and then when you look (which is normal), she takes an oath saying, "Hey buddy, my eyes are up here." Why does this happen? Well, two reasons. She wanted to show off her assets, especially if she really has them; and she wants to still feel like a "good" girl, so she chastises you for looking because that's what "good" girls do. In reality, she wanted to insure herself that she still has what it takes. Getting a rise out of you proves she still has it, and she can control you in the process. Two for the price of one. Unfortunately, it's a way to control with sexuality. What you can do. This is where you need to keep your wits about you. Think with your head and not your physical desires. The 100% cure for this if you're single? Wait until the honeymoon! If you're married? Look at your wife!
- The recording "wait on me" message . You are on time, and she is not ready yet. You call ahead, and she does not answer (she sees you on caller id.) She promises to show up, but she does not or is extremely late. This is her way of ensuring that you dance to her tune. You will find this referred to as playing hard-to-get. For women, half the fun is in the chase. Why does this happen? She wants to see how far she can push you because that will determine how much she controls the relationship. She wants to be the one calling the shots. What you can do. Again, keep your wits about you. Stay alert to this pattern of behavior. Do not chase too much, act like a bit of a challenge yourself to entice her to take some initiative to being respectful. Women only play hard-to-get when they know they can get away with it.
- Saying one thing, doing another . For example, she'll say it does not matter which movie you see, then complain when the one you picked was "awful," or you've unknowingly said something that hurt her feelings. Depending on how you respond, she may throw tears in for extra measure. Why does this happen? She wants to find fault with you first before you find fault with her. It's an issue of insecurity. Of course, there's really no way for you to know what the "right" choices are. What you can do. Show some empathy. And, of course, if you've done something wrong or insulting, then you need to apologize. On the other hand, it's important for you to explain how you can not read her mind. Let her know you are trying to be as thoughtful as you can be. If she still persists in blaming you, then take a hike.
- Mind reading . This woman expects you to read her mind. It's anything from favorite restaurants, what happened to her during the day, what she wanted in the bedroom, and every other little thing. And when you do not get it, she gives you the silent treatment. Why does this happen? She equates mind reading with how much you care. Remember, women are not expected to ask for what they want. They're the taking care of everyone else. So this is her way to "ask" without asking. She wants to be certain you understand her feelings and listen to her. A woman does not want to have to write your script. She thinks you should just either know or remember. What you can do. As much as you may be tempted to, do not leave her alone. Going after her or trying to talk it out (does not mean you are weak). That's what confident, strong men do. What she wants to know is that her being upset is important to you. Whatever you do, do not rush in to fix it. That will just make her feel incompetent. I know, but it's true.
- Compare and contrast . You are constantly being compared and contrasted with her friends' boysfriends or husbands. You have to be a definite way to measure up for fear of not making the grade. Why does this happen? Yes, women can be competitive with other women – surprise! She is determined to have the best catch, or at least fix the catch she has. What you can do. Ask her how she feels if you compared her to your friends' dates or wives. Let her know you are your own man. She should be happy to have someone who is confident in who he is and expresses it to her.
- Conflicting wants . This woman wants a manly man who takes charge, but she does not want to be told what to do or have someone to fix things. She wants a man who loves watching romantic comedies but one who does not cry at them. When you show emotion, she brands you as "weak." Why does this happen? A woman wants to have it all, but is uncomfortable with how to handle it all. She is still living with and answering to years of stereotypes. What you can do. Talking, talking and more talking. Something you do best, right? Talk to her about the confusion you are experiencing. Give her feedback about the inconsistent messages you are getting. Point out that if it continues, the relationship will die.
So what can you do about the games women play? First, make yourself aware of these games so you can recognize them when they happen. Then, stop tolerating them. As soon as these games are played out, address them for what they are. Bring it to her attention and call her on it. Tell her you're not a game player.
She may like being made aware of what she's doing. Some women do these things without awareness of it; it's in their blind spot. If she listens to you and corrects what she's doing, then you have a chance at a healthy relationship. If she blows her stack condemning what you are seeing (another attempt to see how much you will put up with), then it's time to count your losses (or blessings) and leave.